you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
