bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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