I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize