I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
