i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
