Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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