Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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