Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
