Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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