I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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