turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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