I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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