I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
