Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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