I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
