as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She bit a glass in half.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
