Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
