she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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