woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
