oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
