watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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