I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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