Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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