so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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