you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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