Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
