sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
