ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
