i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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