I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
