I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
