i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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