I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize