It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
