spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
