Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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