I wanna bring you to show and tell
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
