i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
