dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
