I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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