it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
