Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My life is pants optional.
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