I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
