He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
