there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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