people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
