No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
