this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
