She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize