I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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