I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
