What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
