My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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