do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
