I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
