Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
