Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
