dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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