I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
