Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
