Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
