i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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