I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
