WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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