But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
