i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He shit in the fireplace
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
