Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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