would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
