Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
