Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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