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R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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