so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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