That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
not ubering you a puppy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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