i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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