ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He did a backflip because drugs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize