I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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