also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
