What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
