shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
