I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
