man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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