How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
