I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize