remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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