also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
