I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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