now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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