i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
