Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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