You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
