I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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