You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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