New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There are leaves in my underwear?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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