Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I pour the whiskey from now on
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
