Pants 0. Shit 1.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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