If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
