I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
