Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize