i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
