I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
