My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
