Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
