this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
