I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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