I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
