i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
As shirtless as possible
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
