can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
