i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize