found the other keg... it's in the tree
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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