with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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