Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
