I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
