this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
